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We want to welcome our new contributor the One & Only Sarcastic Sam – We’re looking forward to lots of great work from this talented author – click his picture to get to his blog. Hit him up at his Twitter account @Samuel_Clemons
“Our Sarcastic Friend Drops His First Missive @ (TCP)
“SARCASM CLOVER – SAM’S PREAMBLE” – The Critical Post/Chi
At first I thought, this gig was gonna be like Hunter S. Thompson, I could get a non legit job as a faux journalist. I’d become the original gonzo ferret. I always admired Thompson, a self proclaimed “Media Critic”. How much chutzpa did the guy have to take on the Media, and manage to have the media love him anyway?
This was my chance, working for the Critical Post was my ticket to all the smarmy wisecracks I’d been carrying around. I wouldn’t even have to keep it PG 13 rated, or even R.. I could just let loose and get everybody angry or misinterpret my intentions, sky would be the limit with this gig.
In the very least, I’d get to lay into all the other ferrets, maybe take pot shots at my famous uncle Freddie. “Sam” he’d say, “come over here, son” and I’d climb up on his knee “Sammy, your a moron”
I was in sarcasm clover as we say in the trade of smug self centeredness. These folks were actually gonna let me take on some serious news articles and unleash me! Well if they were that foolish, I’d do my best to live up to my reputation. No stranger to vitally useless tips, commentary or snark, this was my ticket.
Then the letter came. Well more of a thin package, but I had to sign for it. From “The Gang at the Post”. The Official Offer. Inside was a short paragraph, explaining I was invited to write articles, submit, and so forth, and so on, typical language, then I saw it. “You are hereby invited to be on board with us as the comic relief” The Critical Post didn’t want me to criticize all the other Journalists? I couldn’t be a Media Critic, like Scott and Bambi, and the rest of them? Not live in the hallowed existence of Thompson, shooting up Vale and popping downers?
I was aghast, I was flabbergasted, I was well..for once, almost wordless. Never had I thought so little of my writing as at that moment, all they wanted me to do was make people laugh. The economy is hurting worldwide, people are hungry, there are tons of media targets. No getting the evening news casts pumped in on multi-screen monitor set up, no free deliver of the WSJ or NYT. I was just going to be relegated to this role of jokester.
So I signed the offer, and ran to catch the postman.
That is all.
I’m Sarcastic Sam for The Critical Post/Chi – send me Pop Tarts and a pretty woman’s lap to sit on while I eat them @13:46 HRS CST 2 JAN 2011