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(TCP)CHICAGO – Dateline Chicago -
Subtitle: “Getting Better But Not By Much”
By Brian Sidler - Former Writer for Chicago Music Magazine
Ok guys…so you thought about it a bit, didn’t ya? What did you do, go talk to your dad about what it was really like? Eh…more probably your grandfather…right? You’re still a great big bunch of biz sluts guys, but it’s okay…we can dig it…a bucks a buck, right?
Let me tell ya something kiddo’s, the difference between what you got going on and what we started is, “your togetherness” doesn’t have the same hip or moral compass that “our togetherness,” has. B-cuuuuzzzzzz…you’re putting the bite on the wrong part of the animal. You can’t take this sucker down doing things like that. It’s a waste of energy.
Ya see, something happens in every generation; most times…the succeeding generation is weaker. Dynasties that hold for a spell, always crumble because succeeding generations take what their parents gave them as growth…their finances, education and experience, and their legacy, for granted. It’s a mistake. It’s arrogant. And…you’re confused.
That’s for all you tasteless brats in New York City and Hollywood. Sooooo glad to know that dad got y’all gals ‘n guys a job in the biz. Brats, are brats…plain, simple brats. If you don’t get it…you’ve got no taste…that’s pretty clear, right? NO TATSTE!
So, OK, well anyway, on…to some of the latest music we’ve been watchin’…Tedeschi Trucks Band gets marched out there, forget which late-niter it was. Letterman or Leno, but a great act. Lead singer has chops, too. We picked up on Ellie Goulding, ‘nother great act – matter of fact, Ellie Goulding proves in her performances you don’t have to bump and grind like a slut to be entertaining, just stand up there and sing with the band. Goulding has an instrument, and it’s all the difference in the world. Doesn’t look like she’s carried away with herself…that’s a good thing, it wears well. Refreshing to see, folks.
Paul Simon on SNL shows why he’s still relevant, I’m afraid to say it, but he kicked McCartney’s butt with that number…not that it’s a competition, because it’s not – Simon was either more rehearsed, or McCartney needs more rehearsal. It’s just…I winced for The Venerable Paul during his round last winter on SNL, and rocked out with the other Paul – Simon. Well because…he was rockin’ is all.
Saw, Ok Go on a show, think it was Leno…not sure. The tune had what it takes, but this band was not ready for that performance. The bottom was entirely too loose and the singer was off by a quarter tone all the way through the number…so Ok Go…can Ok Leave…until they’re smart enough not commit this kind of faux pas again. A few nights ago, I remember seeing the Electric Barbarella’s or something like that. I didn’t realize they were an MTV creation…and just because I’d never heard of ‘em doesn’t mean we’re out of step…NO…it means – we just ain’t never heard of ‘em before. For the most part, glad we hadn’t – Sheeesh…California ain’t you got nothin’ better than that to march out? I mean really……REALLY?
Not even the punctuation is correct in their name, for G-d’s sake.
Executive producers Gary and Julie Auerbach (Decoded, Paranormal State) show they’re products of their own prurient self-interest. These MTV hacks have the nerve to market this as something relevant to the younger ladies in America, all, still trying to get through high school without being confused. This is an identity? A reality show such as this? Really? Well…read this you pair of putz’s and get back to us. I guess Gary and Julie wouldn’t mind having freakish, sex-mawks as daughters then, hmmmm? Tell ya what, if you’re going to put this kind of crap on the air, they should be a hell of a lot more rehearsed than what they were the other night, I think it was on Ferguson’s show.
Clean it up, Bozo’s. We’re glad you gave the lead guitarist a gig. She’s the only “piece” of talent on the stage that’ll hold up. That’s IF…if she can actually play that thing. No wait, wait, I just thought of it…these chicks are Josie and the Pussycats meets Kiss…almost, eh? If you’re a parent block the show on your dials.
Let’s see what else did we dig back here…I have to tell ya’s, while I’m writing this, I’m listening to Eminent Front by The Who. At the moment, I can’t seem to get enough of this vibe…but anyway….so, let’s see…just saw the SNL re-run tonight from March 13th, glad I did…missed watching Jessie J. work out on “Mama Knows Best” the first time through. (And then I did remember seeing it, but forgot.) Can’t say we like the rest of her material, it’s ok but doesn’t break any new ground in R&B…but the band on that number played their butt off. Kudo’s to the bass player leading that group and the horn section. That women let something fly on National TV (watch it) that bares some noticing. Betcha it’s a blast to be in that music unit. Sensational. Not too much to say after that…except GaGa can’t top it, Gaga can play and sing, but she CAN’T top it. And this women doesn’t play the “tramp bit” nearly as loose as most of ‘em. She’s a lady about it. (Sorry for the pun.) Just want to know if that was her real hair or a very slick black wig, anybody got an idea on that? Good Job…Jessie J.! Looks like a nice chick…and she plays. The camera loves every angle around her. 83 plus million views on one of her vids at You Tube/VEVO. That’s one helluva entertainment property.
Hey, ya know what I was thinking? They should like have a championship debate between all the lefty’s and righty’s from the cable NEWS channels. Ya know, get ‘em all on a stage for a big face-off. I wonder who the heck would win that one? I mean, after all…they could all come face-to-face and then, spew all the venom…guess who’d that be…and then we could get on to an intelligent conversation…can we try that guys?
Let’s see, we could get Amanpoure, Brazille, Crowley, Mose, Maddow, others whose names are forgettable – Malkin, Geller, Coulter, Ingraham, Vansustern, Bream, and moderate a debate on the issues. Better yet, let’s line up the entire righty celebrity pundit corps and the lefty celebrity pundit corps, and then, since they congratulate themselves constantly in their on-air demeanor (you know about that kind of condescension, right? You know what it looks and sounds like, right?) all of them, about having our national conversation for us, lets have them nationally in one big National Conversation all at the same time…that’d be a hoot.
We’d like to take this time to congratulate FOX NEWS for having the most Blonds and other good lookin’ babes, of any network ever in the history of TV NEWS. Rupert, you’re a sly one, you are. I get a kick out of Beck calling Soros a ‘spooky dude” too. What a great ploy. What a scary reality…I mean it. Dave Gregory and Chris Amanpoure, sheeesh…do you think you could be any more European than you are? We’d really like to know in your own words how sooooo much smarter, in your own words of course, you are than the rest of us. You “Easty Types” (that’s one of mine friends) think that crap actually sells? C’mon guys…sheeeesh!
Had to switch the tune for a second there…love this Truck’s Band number (track four at Bittersweet)…just love it…anyway – ummmm, we’re about to take a serious listen to The Arctic Monkeys. But here’s what the industry should do. You idiots should stop marching out this deafening drone of band after band on the late night shows…you dummies have mashed the monster into the ground…music on a stage is now internationally, and officially a non-event…most completely.
BUT – the good thing is, you listened up a tad. You guys are actually starting to create a music landscape again worth paying a bit of attention to. It only took us 5 years, or since 31 August 2006, of complaining for you “biz types” (ya know the kids who got their jobs from nepotism) to finally commit to it, full throttle. (You’re welcome folks, don’t mention it.) So, keep listening all you coasters out there. More vibes coming your way. You’re starting to get hip…but you ain’t the hippest by a long shot. You need a lot more tuning up, people.
Saw something on a band called Augustana last week, love the vibes from this unit…told you all about applespacebar already. Hey did anybody go out and buy that album the way we have it? You ought to…they could probably use the cash. Ummm…let’s see – oh! We’re always watchin’ what The Organ in London is saying, O’Toole likes ‘em…can’t say I disagree.
Saturday Night Live ended, and the last show was a notch better than recent shows in memory. So here’s the gig guys…opening bit is always a hit or miss for the writing crew – if you want to put a better edge on this stuff, study up on Mort Sahl, you’ll at very least, start to sound like you know how to lampoon something, Maybe you can look up some old Bob Hope delivery – thing is…you need some flavor beyond always, either lampooning your private’s or going for the cheap line…you can do better than that cantcha?
Monologue’s by the stars played flat all season. The stars you’re booking are only half relevant, most times, and they’re not interesting people, their average wit level is double digit IQ stuff…the self deprecation aspects of most of the bits this season was the high point for us, in just about every one of them. Only notables in the season that I can remember distinctly were Russel Brand and Timberlake.
Other bits…Kristen Wiig – How strained can you get? Andy Samberg – Get out of the toilet already, you’re funnier than you know – grow up. Moynahan – Not bad kid, tell’em to give you more work. Pedrad – Ok, now what…Kardashian’s your best bit. Pharoah – When you start strong, you have to finish stronger. Keenan Thompson – What’s up with you? Eh…the bit’s tired – Best work, lampoons during News Update. Vanessa Bayers – Miley Cyrus bit (girl deserves it) – only good for one spin, excruciating after that. Give this chick more work Michael’s – or you’ve lost your touch. Heck – maybe you should retire and pass the torch…or something.
Seth Meyers – Sorry you have to carry that whole show by yourself – you get help sometimes. Hader, you’re the runner-up for Jim Carey, great rubber face, funny caricatures, mostly. Sudakis – If I was handicapping you like a horse-better I’d say – can do in the stretch. Don’t ask me why I said it that way. Other members much less notable, and won’t be dealt with here.
Well that’s it for a bit. Next, I’m going to rip the NEWS and advertising media community a new butt, left – right- and center.
Tune into the Bittersweet Player for a great listen every now and then, as we continue to scour the net for new vibes worth your attention.
I’m Brian Sidler and I write about music, et al. @ 11:35 HRS CST 1 June 2011